On the Subjunctive

Italian-speakers have informed me that the Italian media's lip-reading of Zlatan Ibrahimovic's "insult" of Roberto Mancini (Or was it Luis Figo?) Sunday night hinges on Zlatan having a firm grasp of how to use the subjunctive tense in Italian. This news makes me almost deliriously happy, though I can't quite put my finger on why. (Zlatan's grammar skills? The incredible seriousness of the media? The glory of conjugations?)

I expect that, on Wednesday, a camera will be trained on every substitute on every Serie A team as he exits it pitch, so the world will know what footballers really think of their coaches and, more importantly, about the level of each player's Italian. Any non-Italian who chooses to speak his native language will be approached on the touchline by a Sky minion and ordered to face the cameras and translate. Immediately. Any Antonio Cassano-style mouth-covering (utilized here to great effect by Mancini himself) will dealt with severely.

That is all.

On Crap.

Not good enough, not disciplined enough, guided by manager with great hair who makes team decisions based on tarot cards -- take your pick, any of the three seems a plausible part of the explanation for Inter's toothless 180 minutes against Liverpool.

[And, as I type this, Mancini gets Pele ready to go on with 15 minutes left. Pele. I rest my case.]

Inter had three great chances, but they didn't finish; virtually every corner and free kick was wasted by Stankovic, Ibrahimovic and Chivu. For at least the fifth time this season (with Burdisso twice the guilty party), they had a player sent off early for a second yellow. And Mancio continues his bizarre attachment to Vieira and Stankovic who, despite his desperation to perform, has been largely ineffective, even when he manages to get fit.

[Ah, here comes Suazo for the last 10 minutes, now that Inter need four goals. Superb.]

Not good enough, either on the pitch or on the bench.

There was one positive, though: Rivas hit a laser pass from sideline to sideline that was moving so fast it nearly killed Stankovic when he tried to take it on his chest. That was pretty awesome.

[85th minute, Jimenez for Stankovic. When Mancini is asked to explain his substitutions, do you think he'll have the balls to say "fear?"]